then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
