I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize