can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
