I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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