I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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