Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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