he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he shaved USA in his pubs
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
