i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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