My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
