I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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