One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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