I want to have your abortion
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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