Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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