I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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