I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
