is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
