Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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