"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
