apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
