That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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