Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize