We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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