I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
