hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
