Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
