Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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