i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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