yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you would pick up someone in the library
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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