Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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