I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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