If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
