Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
