Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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