he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
