So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
