I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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