So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
