just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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