Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
