I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
her vagine was all disorganized.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
