I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm like, not good at living.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
