I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didn't notice because vodka
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
