i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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