When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
