I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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