Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
