seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Holy shit dude........stairs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
