Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
