Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
