It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
