True but thats because hes a fetus.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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