I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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