I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
