he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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