Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
