Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
