I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dignity is for republicans.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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