fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
