Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
