I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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