We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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