I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
