You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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