Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
