we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
