okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
