I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
