you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize