Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My life is pants optional.
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