It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
