He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
