Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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